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Silencing My Own Voice

15 May

I’ve always strived to control my writing. I wanted my writing to say exactly what I wanted it to say–nothing more, nothing less. The more concise my words were, the better I would feel about myself. I did not want to be the Anne Shirley of my companions any longer; flowery language indoor only, please. But then I realized that my strictly formal essay writing format was doing exactly what I didn’t want to do when I began writing for myself: saying a whole lot of nothing.

In my attempt at political correctness, neutral language, safe topics, non-personal incidents and the like, I ended up writing about some other ‘me’, a me who was not me. And the sad part of this all is that I started to write so I could get outside of myself, stop fantasizing in my mind and start making my worlds into something tangible that I could read and carry. The more I said what I didn’t want to say, the more I said what people could possibly handle to hear, the more pointless my words felt; the more they felt like a very tiny hydrogen atom in a massive ocean full of H2O.

So here I am now, trying to teach myself to write freely, to stop every time my brain says, ‘Nope, don’t say that’ and actually ask myself why I shouldn’t, and why no one should know how I feel about anything at all. And perhaps, if I ask myself enough times, I will stop censoring my own words, my own thoughts and opinions, and come closer to the thing I was looking for in my writing:

Myself.

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3 Comments

Posted by on May 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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3 responses to “Silencing My Own Voice

  1. ArtemisDSII

    May 18, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    I think everyone does this and most of us just dont notice it. Everyone wants to be neutral and it’s one of the things that bothers me about people. I’ve always felt that you were able to stay pretty firm with your opinions and manage to not have people trying to cut your throat. and I think that’s a good thing but sometimes you just need to take a stance even when no ones asking if only to be sure of yourself.

     
    • The Ninth Dimension

      May 19, 2013 at 12:05 am

      You know, that’s exactly what I mean. The ability to take a complete stance. I just never feel 100% confident in any of my opinions; even the most seemingly black and white issues have an angle we haven’t considered, right? I’m hoping that more honest discussion with myself will help. Thanks!

       
      • ArtemisDSII

        May 21, 2013 at 7:30 pm

        Well, maybe you need to take in that there are always exceptions to pretty much everything and people need to learn to accept that. If people cant, well tough. There’s too much complexity in life for people to just expect your opinion to be absolute and to expect such from others is unreasonable and illogical. So dont sweat it…that is until you realize that most people ARE illogical.

         

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